Sunday, May 13, 2012

Mother's Day

I don't like it. How's that for a mushy, heart warming, lovey-dovey sentiment? I'm not one, I don't have one, and today brings that point home. It's always on Sunday. I go to church on Sundays. People either avoid me like the plague, or pity me. It's completely awesome. Best feeling ever. Every Mother's Day they hand out flowers and inspirational mothering books to all ladies at the door of the auditorium. Why wouldn't they? 99% of all ladies are either mothers, or have mothers. Our church provides three points of entry into the auditorium. I observe each of them, trying to decide who will pity me less. The one on the right...the elderly couple, who always ask how our adoption process is going? The middle door...Kevin's cousins who strangely have known me my entire life, and knew my Mom? The left door...a couple that is our age, who have learned that asking about the adoption process, which has taken 4 years so far, could mean they listen to another story of adoption disappointment? The lesser of the three evils? There isn't one, as far as I'm concerned. I pick one, then, I approach the door. Every time, the lucky person standing at the door I have reluctantly chosen tries to tell me it's ok for me to receive these items. The looks of pity emerge, and I am stuck trying to explain my way out of this. I never take them. As awkward as I already feel, how am I supposed to pleasantly toodle around carrying these symbols that remind me I am not someone who fits into this day. It makes them feel better to give it to me. It makes me feel better to not take them. It's the most awkward moment of the year. Then, there's my dad. Awkward for him, awkward for me. He wants to help, but talking to him reminds me of how much I just really don't like this day. Then, there's Facebook. EVERYONE posts about Mother's Day. The pictures, the family gatherings, the joys of being and/or having a mother. Oh, to have a Joanna hole that would hide me from this, the most awkward day of the year. If I don't stop blogging, and start getting ready for church, I'm not going to make it on time. Is this entry an avoidance method? In my best Sarah Palin voice...You Betcha! As my husband just pointed out, "It's dark-twisty-Joanna Day" (Grey's Anatomy Meredith reference). I don't want pity, and I don't want people to be uncomfortable around me. I want someone (who would have normally been my mother) say it's going to be ok, and keep moving on with the day as if it's ok for me to not be a mom, or have a mom. Huge sigh...I should go get dressed...

1 comment:

  1. I appreciate the post. I know I must be insensitive to others regarding this subject. I hope you were treated with kindness and respect today. If we all opened our eyes and stepped out of ourself for a bit, the world would be a better place. Hugs my friend.