Thursday, February 16, 2012

Funk 1, and Funk 2

Funk 1 and Funk 2 stem from the same place...the detox going on from this funky diet I'm on from Doc Brown to assist in the eviction of the little booger. To recap, I can ONLY eat protein (chicken, beef, certain fishes, nut butters) and COOKED vegetables. The only dairy I can have is from a goat, which is more available than who in the world ever knew.

Funk 1
So, I've eliminated all wheat, soy, cow dairy, corn, and sugar. My body is adjusting to the detox by providing a certain, specific, funky smell from the underarm area at certain, specific times of the day. Mainly when I get up in the morning! WHAT IN THE WORLD??!!?? I shower at night, get up in the morning, and BAM, there it is. SHEWY! It's not every day, but when it's there, IT'S THERE! I'm sure that makes me that much MORE attractive to my hottie hubby...HA! Doc Brown said, "Yes. That's your body detoxing." OH...well, excuse me! YICK! It's got me paranoid, but I'm sure this too shall pass. I also just thought of the "Pit of Dispair" in Princess Bride...random.

Funk 2
I've been eating this very restrictive diet for 5 weeks. I have "cheated" maybe 4 times. When I cheat, I pay the price. In about 24 hours I get so sick I can't go to church, work, or even get out of bed from a tremendous lack of energy. So, it would behoove me to stay the course...thousand points of light (Bush, Sr. reference). So, like tonight, I would like a burger and fries. Nope. Earlier today, my coworker traded his green card for American citizenship, and did I eat the chocolate cake. Nope. I go through everyday wanting something I'm not supposed to eat. In all the books, and talking to people who have changed their eating habits, they ALL say something to the effect of "You'll lose your cravings. You won't even want that stuff anymore." What kind of jacked up crack were they smoking!!??!!?? EVERY DAY I want something I can't have. It's getting on my nerves, and putting me in a sort of funk. Chicken and broccoli, chicken and zucchini, burger patty and asparagus, burger patty and broccoli. All this sounds fine and dandy until I have to cook ALL OF IT to make sure there isn't any sauce, or bread crumbs, or condiments, etc. Maybe everyone who changes their diet goes through this, but DANG already! Get this little booger out of me for pete's sakes!! Does anyone know who Pete actually is?? Just wondering.

And Kevin is my hero...he just fought with Olive Garden for me. He ordered for me. In this funk, I just couldn't make a decision. He ordered chicken with broccoli and zucchini, and clarified there would be no sauce. It came out, and it was on a bed of penne pasta with marinara. He made them remake it...like I said, MY HERO!! :-)

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