Mother's Day

I don't like it. How's that for a mushy, heart warming, lovey-dovey sentiment? I'm not one, I don't have one, and today brings that point home. It's always on Sunday. I go to church on Sundays. People either avoid me like the plague, or pity me. It's completely awesome. Best feeling ever. Every Mother's Day they hand out flowers and inspirational mothering books to all ladies at the door of the auditorium. Why wouldn't they? 99% of all ladies are either mothers, or have mothers. Our church provides three points of entry into the auditorium. I observe each of them, trying to decide who will pity me less. The one on the right...the elderly couple, who always ask how our adoption process is going? The middle door...Kevin's cousins who strangely have known me my entire life, and knew my Mom? The left door...a couple that is our age, who have learned that asking about the adoption process, which has taken 4 years so far, could mean they listen to another story of adoption disappointment? The lesser of the three evils? There isn't one, as far as I'm concerned. I pick one, then, I approach the door. Every time, the lucky person standing at the door I have reluctantly chosen tries to tell me it's ok for me to receive these items. The looks of pity emerge, and I am stuck trying to explain my way out of this. I never take them. As awkward as I already feel, how am I supposed to pleasantly toodle around carrying these symbols that remind me I am not someone who fits into this day. It makes them feel better to give it to me. It makes me feel better to not take them. It's the most awkward moment of the year. Then, there's my dad. Awkward for him, awkward for me. He wants to help, but talking to him reminds me of how much I just really don't like this day. Then, there's Facebook. EVERYONE posts about Mother's Day. The pictures, the family gatherings, the joys of being and/or having a mother. Oh, to have a Joanna hole that would hide me from this, the most awkward day of the year. If I don't stop blogging, and start getting ready for church, I'm not going to make it on time. Is this entry an avoidance method? In my best Sarah Palin voice...You Betcha! As my husband just pointed out, "It's dark-twisty-Joanna Day" (Grey's Anatomy Meredith reference). I don't want pity, and I don't want people to be uncomfortable around me. I want someone (who would have normally been my mother) say it's going to be ok, and keep moving on with the day as if it's ok for me to not be a mom, or have a mom. Huge sigh...I should go get dressed...

Blogging Intentions and Epiphanies

My intention for this blog is to document and share my experience as I change my eating, exercise, and other lifestyle habits, and become a more holistically healthy person. I was reading other blogs this week, and had epiphany #1. Most blogs have tips for life. The people writing want to help others achieve goals, whether in cooking, exercising, understanding politics, finances, etc. Epiphany #2: I should take the month of June and focus on a topic that is related to health, and make posts twice a week. Epiphany #3: I'll focus on Stress Management. I studied the impact of stress on health quite a bit in grad school. Epiphany #4: Today, I was told my blog is not interesting (after I had this idea), so I'm definitely going to try this new approach. Epiphany #5: I need a new blog host. Blogger doesn't make paragraphs or do line spacing. DRIVING ME CRAZY!! More to come.

She Was Giggling...Then, She Was Sweating!!

Getting back into my workout routine has reminded my why I enjoy going so much...people watching!! I was on the treadmill, which is on the second floor looking down over the weight machines. LOTS of good people watching from this perch of mine. I'm still only allowed to keep my heart rate under 120, so I'm really only just walking swiftly. Not much concentration needed to "get to the finish line" or make it just that one more minute. I can truly focus on my observation skills, which is favorite hobby of mine! This poor woman. She was wearing a baby blue t-shirt and navy blue capri sweats. She was morbidly obese. Her shoulder length, brown, curly hair was not pulled back, and was still in her "I'm going to work" look. Her trainer...KILLER! Oh boy! This isn't going to go well for this woman. I remind you that I have never completed a full workout with her before getting so dizzy and light-headed I have to stop. Hence the moniker. So, the workout starts and the woman is giggly and excited and happy. By the third exercise, red-faced, out of breath, shaking her arms around as if this will help them feel better, and fading fast. Her workout lasted 20 minutes instead of the full 30. Killer got her too. I applaud this woman for her efforts, and hope she can get out of bed this morning! In other gym news...I have a saying that goes "Once you see something, you can't un-see it. Be careful where you look!" Why I didn't take my own advice, I don't know. The sauna. I walked in, and at first found it humorous. Everyone in there, about 6 or 7 people, was pecking away on their iPhone. I thought saunas were for relaxing, deep breathing, and sweating it out without working it out. That's why I go in there. One, by one, they started to leave. As a natural instinct, I watch people walk out the door. I should change my natural instinct. What I saw on the other side of the door when it opened is now a picture in my head I would like to delete. Completely naked old lady! Saw it all! Front view! Can't take it back! She was standing next to the showers, so I can only assume she was headed that way. Why she couldn't save us from her show of glory by disrobing in the shower stall is beyond me. Also, why blogger won't let me make paragraphs is beyond me. There are some things you just can't explain...

The Return

I've got it! Never had it before...not like this anyway! It's a weight lifted, a haze cleared, a struggled defeated! It's healing, freeing, and eye-opening. It's something I never knew I was missing...until now. ENERGY!!! Gone are the days of coffee-filled afternoons just to stay awake. Gone are the days of exhaustion after a long day at work. Gone are the days necessitating Sunday afternoon naps. Not to be confused with a spastic, jittery caffeine high. It's a steady, constant, alertness that doesn't wain. Being gluten-free has revived my entire being. What am I to do with this exciting new phenom? A hobby. Why a hobby? Because, just because :-) Music is my passion, although most who know me today would not know that. Music was my life, my motivation, my muse, my passion. I was innocent...then...I was lead astray. Lead astray by shattered dreams, politics, and heart-breaking disappointment. NO MORE, I SAY!! NO MORE!! "A long, long time ago, I can still remember how that music used to make me smile." Yes, the piano and clarinet have made their call, beckoning redemption. Redemption for years of a passion suppressed. I finally have the energy to play, and I'm gonna do it! I purchased a piano a few months ago, and the musical cobwebs came flying off. I learned to play the piano when I was 4 years old. I could read music before I could read English (well, I guess I could read A, B, C, D, E, F, and G...duh). I am no Vince Guaraldi or Sara Bareilles, but I'm off to a good start, not having played since 6th grade...when I picked up the clarinet. I was MUCH better at the clarinet than I ever was at the piano. And, so, to revive that old flame, I went to the Southlake Community Band rehearsal last night. First time I've played since the last time I played, and that was 19 years ago. Last night was the first time it was fun since the "day the music died" 21 years ago. Don't think I won't keep my eyes peeled for those dream shatter-ers, politicians, and heart-breaking disappointers. I've had my eyes on them for quite some time now. This time, though...this time...I win, you lose! And, without further adieu...here they are...piano and clarinet!

The Mick Has Left The Building

I found out this week that The Mick is no longer training at the gym! WHO LET THAT HAPPEN???!!! Well, ok, he has to have a surgery, then he's going on a one month cruise with his wife. BUT, then, he's not coming back to the gym...sniff, sniff...boo hoo!! I would like to say that it was an absolute privilege to have him as a coach. His wit, his humor, his dirty-old-man behaviors, his knowledge of health and fitness, and his Christianity were all the things that inspired me to remain consistent, especially when I didn't want to. I wish I had a picture of him to share. Maybe I can work on that. My future training is now in the hands of Killer. I started back to the gym this week, and so far have gone once. I am supposed to keep my heart rate under 120, so I stayed on the treadmill for an hour walking. I'll keep doing that for a while, until I can get my stamina back up, and remind my body that it actually can move around more than from bed to couch :-) THEN...and ONLY THEN, will I let Killer back in my fitness life. I am still a bit leary of working out, since the last couple of times before this week ended in what felt like total annihilation because of my low energy issues. I have a couple of friends that go with me to keep me in check. Well, and for the social hour :-) Back to The Mick. My most memorable moment with him will always be the first training session I had, when he stopped mid-sentence of an exercise explanation, to watch blonde-bouncy-booby-babe walk by, then picked up exactly where he stopped in the sentence once she was past. Ahhh...good times :-)

Gluten Free Brownies...and Communion

These are the gluten free brownies I made this weekend. I got the recipe from www.glutenfreegoddess.blogspot.com. They are pretty good (especially with some Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla on top), and I can tell a difference when I eat them compared to regular ones. This is truly amazing to me, that I've had this my entire life, and had no earthly idea. I felt like getting out this afternoon, when I would normally spend the entire afternoon asleep. I went shopping because...drum roll...I'm down ANOTHER SIZE, thank you very much!! I'm feeling so much better, and praise God for the discovery. (insert segway here) Speaking of God, I was at church this morning, and, as is usual, we take Communion. Today, I noticed I had an allergic reaction to the cracker. Now, this is going to sound crazy, but I've had these reactions every Sunday since I started taking Communion...6th grade. Also crazy, since the reaction is my throat closing up, I thought it was because I was feeling claustrophobic sitting in the middle of the pew, around so many people. What if I'm NOT claustrophobic??!! OH MY GOODNESS, THIS IS CRAZY!! What if it's just because I'm allergic to the cracker, it closes my throat, and that's what's uncomfortable? AND, do you realize how SMALL of a smidgen of cracker I actually eat for Communion???!!! WOW! Amazing, I tell ya! Kevin and I googled gluten-free communion cracker, and there they were...on amazon.com. I'm bringing my own from now on, and it's about to get real spiritual up in here!!!

Like Sands Through The Hour Glass...

....so, I begin the gluten-free days of my life. I'm amazed at this whole situation. First of all, there is such a joyful freedom just knowing what has been causing these problems. I don't have to be afraid of food, or guess if something is or isn't going to get me sick. It has been a week and a day since my last gluten consumption, and I still feel the effects of it. It takes a while for it to get out of the system...about a month, doc says. Over the last 48 hours I've been obsessed with reading about gluten-free living. Most of the information is on websites dedicated to Celiac disease...www.celiac.com; www.celiac.org; www.celiaccentral.org; www.cureceliacdisease.org...just to name a few. When I started this blog, I had no idea it would take me here. I started with intent to feel better by changing my bad eating and lack of exercise habits. In my mind, when I think about all the things I'm going to learn about gluten allergy, and all the things I'm going to want to post here, I cringe, because I don't want to be another one of "those" blogs, where the focus is about the writer's aliments. BUT, we'll see how this goes. I'm embarking on something life changing though, I just know it! If I have more energy than I've ever had,well then...you people need to brace yourselves :-) This is how I feel

And definately how I'm about to look!! Lost 22 pounds so far, and it's still coming off. (insert another jump here!!) Ok, and this girl seems more tan than I'll ever be, but these are just details...